Readers are encouraged to review a previous article where I first described the difference between
bullying and “peer challenges.”Click to access Bullying-vs-challenge.pdf
Peer challenges are constructive confrontations by one person intended to test the strength of the other. They can reinforce relationships by demonstrating its strength in the face of good natured teasing. “Endearment teasing” tests with the goal of strengthening the relationship.
“Come on slowpoke.” “Ok Michael Jordan, let’s see you stop this shot!”
“Influence teasing” intends to change a valued person’s behaviour by showing disapproval. This is conflict with dispute at its centre. While an adult might say, “Jason, your crying like this does not help,” a peer might say, “Ok cry baby, stop your bawling and whining.”
The goal of influence teasing is behaviour change.
In both forms of peer challenges, a child might retreat to an adult and complain that he or she is being “bullied.”
Bullying, however , is predatory. The focus of bullying is not to strengthen the relationship or change the other person’s behaviour to make him or her more acceptable. The goal of bulling is humiliation and subjugation. The focus is not on friendship but on the self-gratification of the person doing the bullying.
Understanding the difference between these two forms of conflict is critical. With peer challenges we might want a child to develop a thicker skin. Bullying, however, should NEVER be ignored. Cruelty should be recognized for the misery it causes and should never be dismissed as teasing.
![](https://stopbullyingactnow.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/b17.jpg?w=160&h=160&crop=1)